Anika*, came distraught after one more attempt to kill herself, this time by jumping off a running car. Last attempt she was on driver’s seat and deliberately toppled her car in rage wrecked her car.
She has been stuck in an unfulfilling relationship for long.
Despite having a young son, she couldn’t get over her reckless side, plus a relationship which was gradually lowering her self-esteem, and pushing her into depression as whenever asked for commitment she was told she was too demanding. Already in her 40s, and being a divorcee she feared she will not find another relationship so at least she has this. This dilemma was the cause of her depression. But there seems to the greater cause…behind this guilt and self-hate, culminating in obvious self-destruction mode. We needed to find answers.
She moved to melancholy lifetime in Scotland, where as a young boy she lived alone with parents, didn’t talk to anyone. His isolation and loneliness never got better. He grew up to join Navy and eventually saw himself on board a large passenger liner as one of the crew. Though I avoid doing fact checking, on a hunch, I asked her to check out the name the ship. When she read Titanic, we realised we had hit upon the right lifetime as per the problem.
As the night passed, he was the first one to see the iceberg; he went to talk to the higher authorities, telling them about the imminent dangers. But nobody listened, despite arguments as he was not good at communication and stepped back. He kept on saying that the ship’s hull was weak and too many passengers were on board.. When the iceberg was inevitable he tried to steer the ship, but alas it scrapped through damaging it fatally. A woman came to ask him help his son, but he couldn’t. Mother in the present life, with whom she had estranged relationship. He tried to save some people but could not help many. He drowned loaded with guilt of not doing enough, plus feeling of being reckless that he didn’t push hard enough.
At this point trauma and shock of the incident and trauma was released. More importantly, all the anger the sailor has for himself was released, and guilt through self-forgiveness, gradually the soul became light and released sadness and loneliness, and the habit of self-isolation as well. Also the hundreds of souls, who got killed and hadn’t crossed over into light, trapped in trauma were filled with healing light, and helped to move into the light.
In following weeks, she felt lighter, happy and more settled. Gradually learning to make loving choices for herself.