The River Eternal: The Inner Journey
Age milestones are important crossings, checkpoints in our life journey, where we sit back and examine deeply, our successes and failure, also reorient. One such crossing is the age of 60, common retirement age. What if you have done everything professionally, but still feel unfilled within? What if despite having able gurus you haven’t able to make spiritual progress?
Single and retiring in coming August from teacher’s profession, she is moving back to live with family in her home town. She is not sure, why she hasn’t been able to make spiritual progress in all these years, despite having two gurus, consecutively.
Where is her spiritual growth stuck? PLR offers an invaluable tool to understand the ongoing saga, and journey of inner life, and external. We can take forward from where we left off, and build upon the gains of our previous lives. Sometimes we already know the answers instinctively, yet haven’t implemented them. PLR offers an affirmation to what we already know. Thereafter it is upon us to walk the talk, and live our wisdom.
In a past life she saw herself in 1950s, as an old sadhavi (female sadhu) with long matted locks, living alone in cave at Chiltha, on the banks of Saryu river, in Uttarakhand. Then, she saw her early years, married with three children, two sons and one daughter, with a mother-in-law managing the household. Her elder son was her present life cousin. She felt unattached to her children, and by the age of 40-45 found herself living alone in the cave.
She didn’t see a physical guru, rather saw Shiva himself visiting the cave and teaching her dhyan, and hand mudras. She lived there alone for rest of the years, meditating, unattached from the world -“nirlipt”.
People came and went, at other times some other shadhvis also stayed, yet she continued her practices, near a dhuni, a small sacred fire at the edge of cave. She also got the notion that in a previous life also she was a sadhu here, perhaps Shabari in Ramayana period.
Years passed, the flowers outside her cave dried and flowered again, with changing season, and she continued her sadhana alone. She also saw her present life gurus, as young sadhus visiting her in the cave.
She died in her late 80s in 1954, and a beautiful soul dressed in white, rose from her body. Her soul revealed, she was on her inner journey, she started her search, and it continues on its own.
She chose to be born in the October of same year, in a remote Himalayan village in Uttarakhand; in a family, she chose because of the soul of her grandfather, whom she recognized as a very pious soul. Felt no connection with her family. Growing up, everybody thought her to be young, but she knew everything. In the following decades she saw everything in her life has happened on its own.
Soon she arrived at several key realisations: the running around period of her life is over, she has to be still now. She does not need to do anything for anyone, nor trying to fix anyone’s life, which took her attention all these years. Due to her excessive concern for others, she lost focus from her own path, lost solitude and peace. Now she has to learn to detached, which still living amidst everybody. Pursue her journey ahead in solitude, peace and with detachment.
Moving into the future..towards 2020, she saw herself, living in a small home she has built in the hills, adjoining her family home. With flowers in her backyard. At some point she starts writing her experiences in a diary…
She also dropped her busyness, socializing, extroversion and impatience in the waters of Saryu river, and picked up solitude, peace and detachment. Subsequently goddess Durga appeared from the river, and gave her a japa mala, like one that was give to her by her guru.
May we not get so busy, extroverted with life that we forget that the real story, one that continues life after lifetime, lies within. Carried forward in the solitude of our heart.
In her case, she would also have to let go, the notion of “I know everything” attitude. Hopefully she can and continues on this eternal journey of constant renewal..
PS: She also had a continuing tooth ache for which we did organ dialoguing, through which she learnt that she has to develop softness in her demeanour. Avoid harsh words. Let go of hardness.