Why do bad things happen to good people?
The story of this young woman who came to me, who is stepping away from her 11-year old marriage, also made me wonder.. Why would a good soul, experience a traumatic marriage?
The marriage was filled with abuse, violence, and humiliation. She tried to make it work for as long as she could, as it was a love marriage wherein she defied her family for the first time to get married. Being as she was a middle child, and always an obedient one, so this was her first big step in establishing her independence.
She tried..and tried, really hard, as we found, even had a son, though the husband never changed. Though gradually she drifted away from herself, into self-denial. Left her job, her liking, hobbies to please her husband and in time lost not just her identity. However, she never got accepted by the in-laws, whose only son remained insecure as ever, berated her to keep her small. When she realise it was not a good to bring up a child around such violence, she decide to move out.
Two years have passed, yet she is unable to move on. She still wants to know why I was punished, what karma did I do? Self-blame was the trap of this good soul. We explored the possibility..what if she really didn’t do anything wrong, what if her soul chose this experience? Then we moved on to exploring, what all did her soul learn…a long list came through…including discovering her strength, and finding spiritual roots..(something I mentioned in my last post)
We decided to keep the wisdom, and drop the story. However, to drop the story, we first need to drop the emotions. Even though she said, she had no hard feelings; we decided to start with the Campfire process, a technique of emotional cleansing and releasing of deep hurts.
There in the presence of sacred fire and spirit guide, emotions started flowing…gradually the memories of the marriage were also released..all of them.
Once we were done, it was time to forgive. The soul of the husband was called in. Also we call in the younger self, who had actually experienced all the trauma. She was fearful, unable to trust anyone…she was healed, and gradually she started speaking..emotions, tears flowed..Then one by one both forgave him, even wished me well. Prayed for his soul, be freed of darkness. The good soul was so generous. Soon we learnt why…
She was a nun in a former life, and helped lots of people through that life. However she didn’t have real life experience of actual suffering. Of darkness people go through. So her good soul, her brave soul, chose this marriage as a learning vehicle. Her guide also told that, if instead of this husband, she had chosen anybody else, the same thing would have happen. That was a revelation.
Now she can used the wisdom as her guide said, to counsel others…help others, she is already a post-graduate in psychology. And that she had started in this life, from where she left of in the previous life.
This was followed by a long set of instructions, and how to avoid emotional repression, writing them out or giving oneself a good cry. Also some further healing happened in the presence of the guide.
Having discovered her life purpose, she was at ease, and said felt a laptop bag like load had lifted from herself.
Within a few days she reported back, and it seemed that her spirit of altruism as a nun had kicked in, she wants to work in old age homes, and learn Buddhism mediations, something she wanted to in that lifetime as a nun, and couldn’t. Subsequently, she resigned from her job, which she for long found unfulling to answer her calling. Though most amazingly in a few weeks the husband, who has been abusive in the past, himself himself turned at a her door up to initiate divorce proceedings, after two years of wait. May her heart, and pathways keep opening up.