How Relationship Challenges Reveal Our Illusions
What are your illusions?
Your blind spots, dysfunctional beliefs? Can you identify them on your own? Often, friction is how we grow, through life challenges or through challenges in relationships.
During each Navratri, we worship Ma Kalratri, who represents breaking illusions, our ultimate dark night, and going beyond them.
Our first illusion is that we are perfect, we are always right, and everyone else must change to meet our expectations.
Relationships are often the fastest way to shatter this illusion. Whenever life, especially relationships, challenges our established ways of thinking and behaving, resistance arises. We use our past, our experiences and our backstory to justify our responses rather than question them. Can there be another way of seeing things, another way of responding to life, beyond what I believe to be right?
Let’s admit: Nobody is perfect, and yet everybody is perfect in their own way.
How? We cannot judge people merely by their behaviour because they behave perfectly and often consistently based on their level of mental, emotional and spiritual development, both as a soul and as a human being. A student in Class 4 cannot be expected to have the maturity of someone in Class 8, Class 12 or college. Everyone behaves according to their level of maturity – emotional and spiritual- not according to our expectations. Expecting them to behave beyond their level of awareness invites disappointment and frustration.
And therein lies the peace of God. He knows that everyone is evolving at their own pace, behaving according to their present understanding. Gradually, they will all grow. We, too, must learn to be at peace with others as they are, as well as ourselves.
Do not be surprised when people fail to meet your standards of perfection for them. They are behaving perfectly according to their mindset, upbringing and temperament, all of which have little to do with you. It is your perspective that makes their behaviour seem wrong, and therein lies your resistance. Righteous wars are the recipe for many doomed relationships and civilisations.
We can spend an entire lifetime fighting this simple fact.
But when we accept people as they are, as they consistently show themselves to be, we become free to respond differently. Especially if you are in difficult, dysfunctional or abusive relationships. We can finally deal with reality instead of waiting for others to change; we realise we must learn to handle life differently and better. When we take responsibility, we grow, become more mature and build capacity. After all, maturity comes from accepting reality and becoming an adult in our response. This can also mean setting boundaries, seeking protection or ending a harmful relationship, rather than reacting impulsively, habitually, anxiously or from a victim mindset.
Sometimes, the greatest challenges in our relationships become our greatest opportunities for spiritual growth. Maturity comes from responding as an adult, rather than impulsively or anxiously.
The same thing applies to ourselves.
One illusion makes us expect others to change. The other makes us depend on their approval. Our next illusion is that we are fundamentally imperfect, flawed and unworthy of love. Even when we believe we are right, we struggle with our imperfections and conclude we are not ready to fulfil our destiny.
We inadvertently build our self-image and worldview around how others have treated us in the past, forgetting that what truly matters is how we treat ourselves.
When we do not approve of ourselves, we seek approval, appreciation and validation from others. People-pleasing becomes our way of seeking the love and acceptance we deny ourselves. Consequently, when others criticise, reject, ignore or fail to appreciate us, we feel hurt, disturbed or triggered because we have made their behaviour a measure of our self-worth.
We cling so tightly to our childhood memories and hurts that we continue to seek external validation as adults, even when life repeatedly challenges us through familiar patterns.
Yet, when we make peace with ourselves, our past and our circumstances, we can finally relax into who we are. Acceptance allows us to grow faster and with greater ease than constant self-criticism and self-judgement.
Only by loving and accepting ourselves can we truly grow. When we are at peace with ourselves, we no longer depend on others for approval or appreciation. Their behaviour loses its power to determine how we feel about ourselves.
We stop taking everything personally, recognising that how others treat us reflects their mindset and level of maturity, not our worth. That is when we become free to respond to life rather than react from our wounds.
Growth demands that we let go of our old selves rather than resist the changes life is pushing us towards.
It frees us from the straitjacket of habitual thinking and behaviour, allowing us to discover fresh, creative and innovative responses to life’s situations. The truth is that we are both perfect and imperfect at the same time. And so is everyone else. As long as we are alive we are all work-in-progress as souls.
At the heart of many of our relationship struggles lie two powerful illusions—one about others, and the other about ourselves. First, we expect others to become who we think they should be. Second, we seek their approval and acceptance because we have not learned to approve of and accept ourselves. The first creates resistance towards others. The second creates resistance within ourselves. Both keep us trapped in expectations rather than acceptance.
Spiritual growth begins when we stop demanding that others change and stop depending on their approval to feel worthy. That is when we can finally accept ourselves and others as we are, and respond to life with greater wisdom, maturity and ease. The true mark of spiritual growth is our ability to remain at ease with whatever life throws at us.
Our equanimity and poise in everyday situations reveal our inner transformation, as does our ability to respond with wisdom and intuition, and the courage to follow through in both small and big decisions. That is what it means to truly go with the flow, not responding to every situation through the same old patterns, but meeting life afresh.
Where am I blocking the flow?
What illusion am I still trapped in?
What part of my old self am I unwilling to let go of?
That is my prayer to Ma Kalratri.
– Abhishek Joshi
Breaking Through Illusions: Where Does Healing Begin?
Recognising our illusions is the first step. But awareness alone does not bring transformation. We must learn to respond differently. Accepting people as they are does not mean approving of harmful behaviour or abandoning healthy boundaries. It means seeing reality clearly enough to respond with wisdom.
If your relationships repeatedly trigger anger, fear, rejection, insecurity or emotional conflict, perhaps it is time to look deeper. At Inner Journeys, we offer several healing pathways to help you understand and transform these patterns.
1. Inner Child Healing — Healing the Roots of Our Responses
Are you responding to your present relationship or reacting from the wounds of your childhood?
Many emotional triggers, insecurities, fears of abandonment and defensive behaviours originate in childhood experiences. Inner Child Healing helps you address these wounds, build emotional resilience and respond with greater maturity rather than from old conditioning.
2. Shadow Work — Discovering Your Blind Spots
What if the qualities you judge or resist in others are revealing something about yourself?
Shadow Work helps uncover the suppressed and unacknowledged aspects of your personality that influence your relationships. By recognising your projections, judgements and unconscious patterns, you can develop greater self-awareness, acceptance and healthier ways of relating to others.
Explore Shadow Work for Better Relationships
3. Spiritual Regression — Why Did You Choose This Relationship?
What if your difficult relationships are part of your soul’s life script?
Why did you choose certain people in your life? What karmic lessons and soul agreements connect you? Through Past Life Regression and pre-birth planning exploration, Spiritual Regression helps you examine the deeper spiritual purpose of your relationships and recurring life patterns. This advanced process requires prior successful Past Life Regression experience.
4. Spiritual Mentorship — Bringing Wisdom into Everyday Life
Healing brings awareness. Spiritual growth demands that we live that awareness.
Our Spiritual Mentorship Program guides sincere seekers towards greater emotional maturity, equanimity and spiritual growth. It helps you integrate your healing, navigate life’s challenges and respond with greater wisdom, courage and clarity.
Explore Our Spiritual Mentorship Program
Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?
You don’t have to remain trapped in the same relationship patterns or wait for others to change. Start by understanding what needs to change within you.
At Inner Journeys, we help you identify a suitable healing pathway based on your individual needs. To begin, share your name, a recent photograph and a brief description of the issues you wish to address. Once we receive permission from our Spirit Guides, we can guide you further.
Contact Us — WhatsApp
Abhishek Joshi: +91 9810 206293
Priyanka Shukla: +91 9594 280000
Email: innerjourneys11@gmail.com
Working Hours: Monday–Saturday, 11 AM–7 PM IST.
Please send us a WhatsApp message before calling so we can arrange a mutually convenient time.
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